Adventure! (The Day We Almost Didn’t Ride Horsies)

October 20, 2015 Leave a comment

After a lot of traveling yesterday, which can largely be summarized by this legitimately not-staged picture I took at a gas station: 

  
Eventually, we arrived at our hotel.

  
Like I mentioned, we’re staying in a fancy villa we could never afford if Fiance’s mother hadn’t been super awesome and given us a bunch of Disney points that were about to expire. It looks something like this:

  
   
    
 
It even has a bathroom with a jacuzzi tub inside a shower that has two shower heads. It’s like a magic little room of cleanliness.

Then Male Roommate proposed to me, and it was super sweet, and we cried at each other, and I said yes. Then I told him I was done feeling feelings, because there were too many of them. Then, he leaned in and whispered, “Hey, it’s only the beginning,” and we cried more, and then I yelled at him for making me feel more feelings.

After an evening of wandering around Downtown Disney, we fell asleep and awoke to the elephant footfalls of a stampeding toddler. And thus began our first full day at the resort.

Me and the girls had a horseback riding reservation that day at 11. I had this whole Disney public transport route planned out that required us to leave at 9:30, but then Male Roommate and Best Friend decided to go grocery shopping. Fashion Friend and I were like, “You’re not going to have time to do that.” But they were determined, so they went out to buy food to cook in our kitchenette while Fashion Friend and I walked down to wait on the first bus. Then, we waited on the second bus. Then, we waited on the Ferry. I was really starting to worry about missing the reservation, when finally, we spotted this boat in the distance.

  
It was not our boat. At this point it was 12 minutes till 11 and I was sure I was about to be charged for a trail ride I wouldn’t get to take. Luckily, I was able to call and change my reservation for a later time. After the right boat came in and we caught one last bus, we finally arrived and met up with Best Friend, who had been waiting since 10:59.

“Hey,” she said. “I forgot sunscreen. Want to run back by the room? It’s like an eight minute drive”

And then I cried forever. And by forever I mean until there were horsies.

  
 
After a trip to Downtown Disney…

  
…a lovely dinner of salmon and polenta courtesy of amazing Fiancé…

  

…and a fight with the DVD player in our room, we watched “Something Wicked This Way Comes” on a laptop and called it a night.

Adventure! (And Then Male Roommate Got Sneaky)

October 18, 2015 Leave a comment

So, I have some pictures and stuff from us driving to Orlando and exploring our swanky treehouse digs, but then Male Roommate ruined my nice little travel narrative by proposing.

 

My hands are weird shaped. But the ring is pretty. Just look at the ring.

 
So now I guess I’m going to marry him or something. And I guess I oughta start calling him Fiancé. I’ll make a better story of it later, I swear, but right now, I’m gonna live life for a few instead of writing about it. Peace, y’all!

Adventure! (On the Way to Disney World)

October 17, 2015 Leave a comment

It was a long drive, during which we were stalked by a wild McDonalds…

 

There it was… lurking in the woods. Luckily, we lost it a little ways down the interatate.


…crossed the Mississippi River…

 

It had a bridge!


…and drove through a tunnel under a river…

(I was too excited to take a picture.)

…we arrived at our first destination, a stopover in Daphne, Alabama, with a semi-stocked kitchenette. Since it had only one bowl, I did the only reasonable thing I could do.

 

This picture needs no explanation.


And with that, I leave you, Internet. Good night. 

Adventure! (The Prologue)

October 17, 2015 Leave a comment

Yesterday I got a promotion. So what am I going to do now, you ask? I’M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!! No. Really. Right now. Tiny Roommate is running around the living room screaming “Adventure!” and everything. Stay tuned for updates, my friends. Shenanigans may ensue.

  

Life Changes and a New Story

October 1, 2015 Leave a comment

Hello, Internet. Long time no see. It’s been a long time since we talked, so here’s what’s changed in my life:

  1. Female Roommate and Guy Who Lives in the Garage got married. Like, for real reals.
  2. I have short hair now.
  3. I drive a Mini Cooper.

Assume the light streaming in from the top of the photo is symbolic of the joy of matrimony or some artsy bullshit like that. That way this picture is a three-fer.

But wait… There’s more! On a lark, I checked up on Fantasy Scroll Mag today. They’d accepted one of my pieces, a short story called “Minor Disasters,” a while ago, but I hadn’t heard anything clear about a publication date. Turns out the publication date was this August! So… It’s a couple months late, but let’s celebrate! Go read it! Rate it! Comment on it! Share it! Do all that social media mumbo jumbo! If you like it, buy a copy and support a magazine that gives authors like me a chance to share their fucked up stories with the world!

The critics are raving already:

“You’re a creeper, Elise. Jesus.” – Female Roommate

“I tried to give you five stars, but I can’t figure out how. It’s at 4.5 stars right now, so someone gave you four stars. I hope it wasn’t me.” – Male Roommate

“Is that a unicorn doing a table flip?” – Guy Who Lives in the Garage

“I WROTE A STORY AND IT’S IN A MAGAZINE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” – Elise Hopkins

“You’re back!” – Tiny Roommate

“Abwa!” – Tinier Roommate

Don’t miss it.

Categories: Uncategorized

A Big Step Forward

Today is a good day. Today, the Supreme Court made it legal for a whole lot more people to marry the people they love in a whole lot more states–all of them, to be exact. I’m not going to say much about it, because so many beautiful, happy, joyful people are already saying so many beautiful, happy, joyful things, and frankly, any eloquence I might posses can’t compete with the all-caps celebrations and three-headed, rainbow-vomiting panda bears plastered across my Facebook page right now. So instead, I’m just gonna go be happy. I suggest you do the same. Good job, American Givernment, and here’s to letting us poly people marry next!

ADVENTURE ROAD!

June 21, 2015 1 comment

I can think of few stretches of road less adventurous than the stretch of I35 between Oklahoma City and Fort Worth.

  
But this billboard begs to differ.

 
What do you say, Mortimer? Ready for an adventure?

  
Why yes, actually.

  
Way to rub it in, Adventure Road.

  
So inspirational!

 
Thanks for the insight, Adventure Road!

  
Adventure casino!

  
Adventure rest stop!!!

  
ADVENTURE CHICKSAW CULTURAL CENTER!

  
ADVENTURE OTHER CASINO!!!

  
Adventure sign I almost missed because we were going too fast down…

  
ADVENTUUURRR ROOOAD!!!

  
ADVENTURE… cleaned up rock slide?

   Adventure Road? Buddy? You okay?

  
Adventure Denny’s… I mean other other casino!!!

  
Adventure Brad Paisley!

 
Adventure ham sandwiches!

 
Adventure Cliche!

  Adventure trees!

  Adventure… Same casino? Come on, Adventure Road, try harder.

  Adventure silo!

  

Adventure tubes!

  

Adventure every type of architecture including Lionel Richie!

  

No duh, Adventure Road.

  

Actual adventure trees?

  

Adventure flooded Red River!

  

Shit just got real, Mortimer.

  

Too much adventure, Adventure Road!!!

  

We’re sorry we doubted you, Adventure Road!

  

Road so adventurous it is LITERALLY EMERGING FROM THE MURKY DEPTHS OF THE RED RIVER!!!

  

Hold me, Mortimer.

  

Whew, we made it!

  

Well, Morti, we’ve been through a lot together.

  

I’ll give you a moment to reflect.

  

But you can only spend so much time looking back. Welcome to your new home, buddy.

  
To be continued?